Here is a not-so-brief description of some 30 hours of sheer bliss:
It all starts when you finish work one evening and leaving the office you notice that the air already carries that unmistakable winter crispiness so you walk home all excited about Christmas quietly humming “Jingle Bells”. Your special someone is already waiting for you at home with a cup of warm sweet milky goodness and a biscuit and you suddenly get the feeling that he indeed is a keeper! When leaving the house for dinner& cinema night he gets the all important call with a job offer he has been waiting for so anxiously and it gives you two yet another reason to stuff your faces with even more sushi. He has to of course call everyone and tell them first so you get the precious 20 minutes head start and manage to devour the best pieces from the conveyor belt before he even gets to his seat. Hmmmm yummy yummy in my greedy tummy. When he sits down at last you are so full that everything around you has slowed down and all you can do is just sit back, undo the buttons on your jeans and listen to him chatting away happily.
After what seems like hours of eating you manage to roll off the chair and make your way to the bar to have one celebratory drink before the film. You opt for the Merry Mojito which is your all time favourite with a Christmas twist of cranberries, cinnamon and orange juice. Very festive but so sweet you probably turned diabetic after the first sip. The film is exactly what is expected from a guilty pleasure. Cringeworthy at times but on the whole rather enjoyable. You basically spend first half waiting for Jake to take his shirt off and when he finally does the film is over.
When you get back home it’s already past midnight and you really want to tell your special someone how your mum saw you off at the airport Gangnam style but since your day started way before 7am you are fast asleep before your head hits the pi..llo……wssshhhhhhhhh…….shhhhhhhhh……hhhhhhhhhhhhh.
You wake up not because the alarm goes off screaming: WakeUpWakeUpWakeUpWakeUpWakeUpWakeup, but because the rays of sun shining through the blinds have made their way across the blanket to your face and started caressing your cheeks. Sunny mornings are so rare in England it immediately sets your day off to a great start. You turn around and see this next to you:
Only in human form. You contemplate letting him sleep for a bit longer but the cheeky side of you wins over and you start whispering loudly: “huggie, Huggie, HUGGIE, H-U-G-G-I-E” and when you see him stirring, pretend you are asleep again. Then open your eyes slowly, smile and say: Good morning! That never fails to make any morning perfect!
After a couple of hours spent in bed watching TV, trying to blog but reading funny stuff on the internet instead and drinking about 5 cups of tea you finally get up and decide today is the ideal day to begin with the Christmas shopping although you said you won’t do any this year and people will only get best wishes and words of wisdom from you.
Armed with a tasty latte in one hand and payday-charged bank card in the other you hit the stores. As usual you hit the upmarket ones first and as every year you make a promise to yourself that one day soon you will be so rich that you will shop here absolutely guilt free. One day soon. After making a list of things that are cool to buy this season you start looking in the cheaper shops to find them at a bargain price. Huggie’s and mine favourite sport.
That’s when the day gets a bit blurry. All you know is that couple of hours later you find yourself stood there with bags full of stuff no one essentially needs scared of what the hell has just happened thinking: “What the hell has just happened?”
That’s when you realize you haven’t eaten for-what-seems-like-ever and a couple of minutes later you are both gorging on a chippy. Massive battered haddock fillet with chunky greasy chips, mushy peas and gravy (DO NOT forget the gravy)- ->English for happy.
Hands and belly full it’s about time to head back home. The high street is fuller than normal and it seems to be because the Christmas lights are being lit tonight. You decide to hang about for a bit but after watching a choir trying to be all “gospel” (gospel only works well if the choir is coloured if you ask me – and I can say “coloured” because it’s politically correct in the UK I checked) you decide there is no need to see Santa after all.
Back at home your gym bag looks at you and says:” Remember me? We used to be best of friends! We used to hang out! And now look at us pretending that we barely know each other! It’s pathetic!” Just to shut it up really you grab it and head to the gym. You are all like “ 40 lengths and we are DONE” but then you get into the pool and it feels nice after 10 days of doing nothing so you are like “Well- maybe I will do 50 today. Just like that. Just because I can” and then it’s length number 20 and the 10 days off are starting to show and you are more like “I think 30 will do tonight” and the Better You in the back of your head start shouting “ YOU WEAKLING ! YOU FATTY! YOU HAD FISH AND CHIPS FOR TEA! GIMME 15 AND SUCK IT UP!”
So after 32 lengths you get out and sneak out to the changing rooms hoping none will notice your poor effort… Especially the Better You.
In the comfort of your bed you once again try to blog but get distracted by challenging you brother to a six pack. For more on that click here. And then you try to remember what was is you wanted to tell your special someone so badly last night but you simply cannnnnnnnnnnnnn…………t….. sssssssssshhhhhhhhhh……….hhhhhhhhhh.